VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
