My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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