I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
