bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
