She said her name was "party"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
