did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
