Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
