I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
