the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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