how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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