even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
