Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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