I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
