so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
