Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
