her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
