Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
