I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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