If that was your dad, he is hot
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
