well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
