She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
