No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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