id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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