ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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