you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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