JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
