i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
