I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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