there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
