i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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