Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
