HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
