he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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