my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
