It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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