I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
