Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
