I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
