we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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