I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
