I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Can you repeat that, but with context?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
