I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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