Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
