I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
as a side note pls kill me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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