i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
