so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
