Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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