I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't deserve a penis
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
