apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
