I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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