he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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