please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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