you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
